Ignoring the Voices
August 14, 2011
Words by Jess
Clear the clutter and new opportunities shall arise, absolutely I wholeheartedly agree. Easier said than done however, so how do you let go to make the room? Ex partners, piranha style preying thoughts, an old habit that may once have served its purpose but now just creates an uneasy mess in your life, these emotions can feel like a prison at times. It’s my head though so get on board brain because I’m merging fear with love.
I still dream about my exes, not all, just one in particular really, not in a soppy gee I wish we were still together way, but my subconscious does seem to enjoy haunting my dreams with his image. Does this mean I haven’t let the relationship go? And what does that say for any future relationships? A friend who also happens to be a counsellor told me it’s because subconsciously I worry for his safety, which is probably true. I’m going to roll with that. Do your worst dreams. I may wake up in a beastly mess, sheets tangled, cold sweat, heart pounding, you get the picture. But then I get to thank the gods that it’s not real. Big grins all round.
It’s not just the past loves that hang around in my head, but the things I’ve said and done. These disturbing thoughts pop up at the oddest moments, I’ll be at the supermarket and my brain will say ‘remember how you behaved when this or that happened,’ in its annoyingly domineering tone. Its naughty my mind, always playing tricks, bringing up things from the past. That’s the thing, its past. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I’m over this self flagellation. So why oh why you little monkey are you making me think these annoying thoughts? It’s tempting to push it down, when I do that however it just comes up again. So I will listen but I’m not going to let it influence me now. Seriously I know where I am and where I’m going, stop trying to scare me into stagnation.
Habits that won’t die probably get to me the most. Repeating adverse patterns like having a cigarette even though I have theoretically quit. I think once upon a time I needed these issues, ailments and addictions, we all do, its protection. Once the threat or issue ceases to exist there is no need to hold onto it. Are you listening think tank? Tank is exactly what it is sometimes, stubborn and strong. Whatever, I’ve seen the movies, it might be hard but I know you can blow those babies up, I just need enough ammo. Better toughen up that army.
I always think about the concept of being good to yourself, while it can be hard it is so important. I can look in the mirror and tell myself I love myself in the style of Louise L Hay (check her out if you haven’t heard of her, this woman does amazing stuff), still that sneaky little trickster lurks at the back, waiting for a weak moment. Then bang, two steps forward, one back. Little by little I get better at it though and as long as it’s more forward than back, well that’s progress.
So I’m on a mission to leave the past where it belongs. Yes it’s constant and I don’t always enjoy it. Nevertheless I figure if I crowd in the good stuff, I’m crowding out the crap so it will have to go elsewhere because there’s no room in here. The good thoughts are so much nicer too, just got to let them have their power. I am aware that tomorrow something may happen to knock me a bit, but hey that’s life and anyway I’m a work in progress baby.
